I haven't decided what to do with this yet, B, but this is mostly for you. i like reading yours so much that i thought i'd give this another shot. I'm reasonably sure i don't want anyone else i know to see this but we'll see if that changes. I find it fascinating that you can meet someone and talk for hours and then get on their blog and it still feeels to personal. I wish i could use this as a forum for total honesty. When are we ever totally honest? The one time i can say that i come the closest is when we talk, and i can't say for sure it it is even complete then, but defiitely as close as i can get consciously.
This month has been a wreck, especially this week. I think today you are at the funeral that should not be but is. We have talked so much about life and loss this week, and so many things have really stuck in my mind. I felt honored that you said that my daily death chats made this a little easier for you to work through, and for that i am grateful. Death is natural, expected and inevitable of course, but at the same time always a shock, always unexpected, and someting we think will happen later. I hope today goes as well as it can for your family and gets them started on their new paths. I wish i had something poignant and all-encompassing to say, to make everything better. The best i could come up with is the title of this post. My daily life is totally focused on death, and i feel like i am missing something because i don't think i understand any more than anyone else.
On Saturday, we got together around midnight and it was agreed upon to go to the cemetery. He had never been to this one before, and was admittedly not much of a cemetery guy. I, of course, am there all too frequently and it is one place that i am totally comfortable, and was very pleased that he seemed to be as well. As it turns out, he is an accomplished photographer, and i now have the pictures to prove it. Unfortunately nothing jumped out at us, except three billion mosquitos, but it was worth it. I talked to K about it today as it was she that introduced us, and felt that it was disprespectful to our friendship, which she thought was crazy. I am doing my best not to enjoy his company. I really don't like nice guys that like the same literature and movies, and expecially don't like the butterfly factor. I never should have read "The Collector". Now all i need is a quiet home in the English countryside...stupid John Fowles.
I have been giving more thought to what you said regarding the fact that outwardly we don't have a lot in common. That has really been bothering me, yes for a month. But the more i think about it, i think it's not true. While to items int eh categories are different, we still have the same categories for the most part, and then trade information back and forth. We are both struggling in our careers, and are caught between what we should, could, and are expected to do. Plus we like scones, and scottish things. it's really not as odd a pairing as many friendships. i know some people that as soon as they aren't partying or gossiping, they have nothing left. So there. :)
This month has been a wreck, especially this week. I think today you are at the funeral that should not be but is. We have talked so much about life and loss this week, and so many things have really stuck in my mind. I felt honored that you said that my daily death chats made this a little easier for you to work through, and for that i am grateful. Death is natural, expected and inevitable of course, but at the same time always a shock, always unexpected, and someting we think will happen later. I hope today goes as well as it can for your family and gets them started on their new paths. I wish i had something poignant and all-encompassing to say, to make everything better. The best i could come up with is the title of this post. My daily life is totally focused on death, and i feel like i am missing something because i don't think i understand any more than anyone else.
On Saturday, we got together around midnight and it was agreed upon to go to the cemetery. He had never been to this one before, and was admittedly not much of a cemetery guy. I, of course, am there all too frequently and it is one place that i am totally comfortable, and was very pleased that he seemed to be as well. As it turns out, he is an accomplished photographer, and i now have the pictures to prove it. Unfortunately nothing jumped out at us, except three billion mosquitos, but it was worth it. I talked to K about it today as it was she that introduced us, and felt that it was disprespectful to our friendship, which she thought was crazy. I am doing my best not to enjoy his company. I really don't like nice guys that like the same literature and movies, and expecially don't like the butterfly factor. I never should have read "The Collector". Now all i need is a quiet home in the English countryside...stupid John Fowles.
I have been giving more thought to what you said regarding the fact that outwardly we don't have a lot in common. That has really been bothering me, yes for a month. But the more i think about it, i think it's not true. While to items int eh categories are different, we still have the same categories for the most part, and then trade information back and forth. We are both struggling in our careers, and are caught between what we should, could, and are expected to do. Plus we like scones, and scottish things. it's really not as odd a pairing as many friendships. i know some people that as soon as they aren't partying or gossiping, they have nothing left. So there. :)
1 comment:
I love it that you are so different from me. I think when we have friends who are only like us, it is very narcissistic, and it keeps us the way we are. Whether you mean to or not, you are always challenging me to be different than I am, and I really value that about you a lot. If I surround myself with people who always think like me, then I'll always be the same person I am today, and I don't ever want that.
We have a lot of essentials in common... like we both grew up on farms, and we have parents who love us, and we enjoy all-things-scottish. And, even if I'm saying this myself, we're pretty smart. People say that opposites attract in romantic relationships (I think that's naturally chemical), but I think it should be the same in friendships.
Thank you for being such a great friend. I love you!!
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